Questions 27 & 28
BD - Being Defiant
A distinction needs to be drawn between judicious defiance and fear driven nonconformity. In the first instance the person descents from the norms of the establishment or defies authority because there is injustice or ignorance. In this case the nonconformity comes with both discomfort and the sense of obligation. In contrast the maladjusted coping mode Being Defiant is driven by an aversion to the possibility of failure. Those who rely on this coping mode ruminate about justifying their unwillingness to establish goals. They think a great deal about the judgment of others. The process of getting better includes interrupting the constant ruminations about other people. People who rely on this coping mode ironically care too much about the opinion of others.
Sometimes people with this mode of coping have endured misguided and overly conventional parental advice. Thus people who use this coping mode may have endured a deprivation of empathy and nurturance. Consequently, this coping mode may cluster with other maladjusted coping modes like Iíll Never Policymaking. The recurrent thought is to not be like someone they disdain.
The practitioner of this mode thinks: If I refuse to conform, Iíll be Ok. But if I do not refuse to conform, I will not be OK. Being OK means safe from failure and judgment of others...
The cost of this mode of coping includes the failure to approach our human potential. The person already feels like a failure and is covering up. In this coping mode what we fear becomes our reality..
Record your answers to the following questions in your JOURNAL:
This Compensatory Mode is active in my life. The evidence that confirms this is as follows:
This Compensation Mode is not active in my life. The evidence that refutes this is as follows: