Questions 21 & 22
BE - Being Entitled
A distinction needs to be made between socially or contractually sanction rights and the maladjusted intention to avert deprivation by exploiting opportunities. The maladjusted coping mechanism Being Entitled is fear driven. The person who depends on Being Entitled becomes opportunistic to prevent the sense of deprivation. Somewhere in the past the practitioner endured a wounding deficit of empathy, nurturance or protection. The coping mechanism forms as an opposition to deprivation.
Unfortunately the practitioner of Being Entitled actually thinks that his or her opportunism is legitimate. This of course strains relationships and makes the person difficult to transact with. The practitioner thinks: "If I can get what I want then I'm OK. But, if I cannot get what I want, then I'm not OK. Not being OK means being deprived. The sense of being deprived for a practitioner of this coping mode is generally measurably more painful than for others without the wound of Emotional Deprivation.
It may also help our understanding to draw a distinction between entitlement that is learned and this form of entitlement that forms as overcompensation. The behaviors can look similar but the intention is different. Learned entitlement is more difficult to change because it was sanctioned and encouraged by authority figures. When Entitlement is completely entrenched and presumed it must then be considered as a maladjusted schema.
There is one other form of behavior that resembles the coping mechanism Being Entitled. There is an avoidant coping mechanism Anesthetizing which like drug addiction can render a person blind to appropriate limits. Anesthetizing is a desperate quest for pleasure to avert pain and frustration. People can anesthetize their painful insecurities by overspending, hyper sexuality and limits crashing.
Being Entitled can cluster with other maladjusted coping modes like Acquiring and Being Judgmental. When the coping mode Being Judgmental is very active, it may suggest that Being Entitled has become an entrenched maladjusted schema. The judgment then serves as justification. In this case the judgmental coping mode needs to be mindfully interrupted to penetrate and process the entitlement.
Record your answers to the following questions in your JOURNAL:
This Compensatory Mode is active in my life. The evidence that confirms this is as follows:
This Compensation Mode is not active in my life. The evidence that refutes this is as follows: