Questions 35 & 36
FO - Fixing Others
Fixing Others is a maladjusted coping mode in which a person habitually attempts to fix the problems and the troubled relationships of others. The behavior which at times can be altruistic is intended to avoid personal deprivation by maintaining the well-being of the family or friends. The distinction between the maladjusted coping mode and healthy benevolence is that the former attends the needs of others to the detriment of attending personal needs. In other words the person who practices Fixing Others will sacrifice personal fulfillment in some fashion to attend other's needs. This is distinct from healthy benevolence which though being generous is not self-depriving. Fixing Others is a mode of coping with uncertainty about having one's own needs met. It is related to the fear of deprivation. Ironically the person already practices self deprivation to insure the well-being of significant others. Thus the mode manifests the very thing that is feared.
A person who uses this maladjusted mode will characteristically fail to overtly assert their own needs. Often their own needs are mistakenly deemed selfish or detrimental to others. Thus, practitioners of this mode may feel it necessary to be covert about finding self-satisfaction. The person who relies on this mode will vigilantly look for things to fix in others.
This mental action is interrupted in the healing process. Time spent thinking of other peopleís problems is time lost in manifesting personal fulfillment. Sometimes practitioners of the mode will prefer to see other as more troubled and incompetent than they really are. The bias towards seeing people in an unflattering light can be annoying and a source for interpersonal strains. They might unthinkingly give advice when advice may not be necessary.
In some instances, practitioners of Fixing Others may want to take over. They justify their intrusion by identifying mistakes or errors made by others. Thus, the mode can lead a person to behave presumptuously. In this case the mode clusters with Controlling and Directing.
The practitioner of Fixing Others will think: If I can fix peopleís problems, Iíll be OK. But, if I can not fix other peoples problems, then I will not be OK. Not being OK would mean being part of a dysfunctional and depriving family or social system.
Record your answers to the following questions in your JOURNAL:
This Compensatory Mode is active in my life. The evidence that confirms this is as follows:
This Compensation Mode is not active in my life. The evidence that refutes this is as follows: