Questions 9 & 10
LF - Lying and Fabricating
A distinction needs to be made between the occasional lying one might do to hide guilt or advance one’s professional interests and the habitual lying one does because they feel chronically insufficient. The person who relies on this coping mechanism will present him or herself falsely to gain acceptance or admiration. They might suggest they have skills or a status they actually do not have. Lying and Fabricating can at times cluster with other modes like Redeeming Honor or Being Someone Else.
Lying and Fabricating suggest a short-term way of succeeding interpersonally. It is as if the possibility of having a successful long-term relationship is beyond the achievable. People who rely heavily on this mode may live very nomadic or isolated lives. Sometimes this compensatory activity is done in very impersonal settings like a hush-hush sexual encounter.
Since the encounter suggests that there will not be an ongoing relationship, one might think that there is no real harm in lying. However, this is not true. The misguided idea that we are innately insufficient is inadvertently reinforced.
The conditional assumption associated with this mode is: “If I present myself falsely, then I will be all right. If I present myself as I am, then I will not be OK.” Feeling all right or being OK in this instance may simply be to feel accepted. One can see in this conditional assumption that the person practicing lying and fabricating essentially rejects and invalidates his or her own state of being.
Record your answers to the following questions in your JOURNAL:
This Compensatory Mode is active in my life. The evidence that confirms this is as follows:
This Compensation Mode is not active in my life. The evidence that refutes this is as follows: