Mindful Recovery Principles and Sayings

How to Reduce Conflict:

Here are more sayings that embody Mindful Recovery principles that may help you provide support to others as well as steer your own recovery. These sayings address the insights and behaviors that lower our anxiety and promote harmony with others.

This is an average situation and not exceptional:

Much of what upsets us is actually common place and trivial. By choosing peace of mind as our preferred state of being, we can more clearly see what is important.

This calls for Mindfulness, not heroic action:

Mindfulness interrupts reactive behaviors by seeking out the heart of the matter whether it is interior or interpersonal.

Drop the judgment; lose the anger:

Chronic anger is chronic judgment. When we judge that something is offensive, we naturally feel anger. When we go further to seek resolution, we sometimes need to suspend or reduce judgment because it veils the heart of the matter.

Peace over glory:

The pursuit of glory robs us of peace. We seek glory because we fear disgrace. We want to regain our honor when our honor was never lost. Divesting ourselves from the pursuit of glory can be equivalent to breaking an addiction.

Symbolic victories are bankrupt and empty:

Symbolic victories like getting in the last word, Getting Back, or Being Judgmental are innately wasteful and costly. They squander the precious moment of our lives and consume the hours, years and decades we might have better used.

People may be rude and crude; they will be tolerated for the sake of our mental health:

People can be overtly rude or worst, however letting them take up “too much space” in our minds is counterproductive. When we stew about offensiveness, we may be entertaining our own compensatory thinking. After a brush with rudeness, it is wise to return our attention to our own affairs as soon as possible.

This is his/her average functioning:

When the same person continuously disappoints us leaving us distraught, we question whether we are being realistic. Is this the person’s average level of functioning? If so, becoming miserable would be self inflicting punishment. Thus, we chose to acknowledge the loss and adjust our expectations.

In matters of opinion, who is right or wrong cannot be objectively determined:

Our compensatory coping modes leave us inflexible in various ways. Sometimes they lead us to be intolerant of opinions that are contrary to our own. When we hold inner peace as highly valuable, we quickly begin to divest ourselves from having to be right.

Right and wrong does not exist in average social and familial matters:

The need to be right often imposes itself inappropriately in average familial situations. This is generally due to our investment in the compensatory mode Being Judgmental. Accusing someone of being wrong when right and wrong do not apply creates problems that need not exist. The real problem in these issues is the presence of the compensatory coping mode Being Judgmental.

People learn, but not on demand:

When correcting someone we provide information and allow them to ponder it. Expecting others to have an immediate revelation may not be realistic. Adjustments require time.

The closer the ties the greater the response:

Caring too much about other people’s behavior and opinions of us is called Other Directedness. It is generally easier to interrupt this maladjusted coping mode with friends and acquaintances. However, the goal of our Recovery is to extinguish this harmful activity with all relationships no matter how close.

People annoy us; they don’t mean to annoy us:

Personalizing the impersonal may be the “first” attribution error. We endure misfortune and think it must mean something about us. Annoying people give us the opportunity to practice reversing this misguided tendency. We practice being Mindful that behaviors like loud music playing, aggressive driving, loud munching; unsolicited advice giving, inconsideration, and contention are not necessarily done with us in mind.

God forbid I should agree:

Sometimes our schema form as the frightful criticism we receive from significant people. Schema can form outside us. When this happens the criticisms are very compelling and unsettling. We can be Mindful of the fact that if we agreed with these condemnations, we would be harmed. We are left grateful that we don’t agree.

Discomfort is tolerable:

Aversion to discomfort thwarts progress. There is friendly discomfort in exercising, studying, and dieting. In Mindful Recovery there is friendly discomfort in weaning ourselves off maladjusted coping modes and venturing into the heart of our fears. These discomforts bless us.

Provide information; withhold the indictment:

When we confront others we learn to provide information, disclosing exactly what we see is going on, how we feel about it and what we would prefer. We generally leave the judgments to the other person’s conscience.

Lower expectations; increase performance:

When we expect too much from ourselves or too much from others we can inadvertently lower productivity and performance. This is because lofty expectations are often driven by the fear of dishonor. Ironically, the remedy is to lower expectations to liberate higher performance.